I'm sorry that the curry I was cooking for dinner overflowed from the pot and yellowed up your stove. I'm sorrier still that it dripped off of the stove and yellowed up your kitchen floor. I tried scrubbing, but it wouldn't come out.
Next time I'm drunk and hungry, I'll order a delivery - which reminds me...on Wednesday I stole approximately four dollars in change from that jar on your desk to give the pizza guy a tip.
I'm not paying you back since you ate some of the pizza without asking, Jackass!
Love,
Fu-Fu