There's this large company in my town called Total Systems who, for some reason or another, feels it is their duty to wage war against every single employee of my company.
Every single time I'm getting off work and driving past their building, one of 'em pulls out in front of me nearly causing a wreck. And I do believe it's on purpose. I've seen 'em wait 'til I get closer before they pull out, taunting me and my fellow employees.
I don't know what their problem is. It's like they consider us a rival football team or something. One of 'em in a van today nearly caused me to shit myself in terror (tara) cause I was so scared that my car wouldn't slow in time.
I used to deliver pizzas for Papa John's and we used to have this running battle with the Domino's drivers where, whenever we passed eachother on the street, we'd give eachother the finger. It was a mutual decision on our parts.
Well, I don't think it was a decision really. I just know that one night one of them cut me off and I gave him the finger and then when I got back to the store I told everyone else to start giving Domino's the finger and before we knew it, there was war.
But it was a kind war. A funny war. A gentleman's war (and later on maybe I'll tell you the story of how our boss at Papa John's used to be the boss at Domino's and he still had a lot of shirts and hats at his house, so one Halloween all of us dressed as Domino's employees....well, it's too long of a story for right now)
My point is.....these TSYS bitches won't rest until my blood is lying in a puddle near their hubcap!
That shit, my friends, isn't right. And I'm afraid I'm gonna have to start fighting back. And I WILL fight nasty. I didn't grow up in south Georgia without learning a couple of sneak attacks.
So, if ever no one hears from me for a week or so, please call the cops in Columbus, GA and ask them to check the ditches that run alongside Milgen Road close to where the Publix is for my dead lifeless body.
And I'd like for Stereolab's Emperor Tomato Ketchup to be played at my wake - nothing too sad.
At my friend Bobby's funeral a while back they were playing "Asleep" by the Smiths because he killed himself and that was too sad. Way too sad. I don't want nothing like that.
That's all I ask.
I bid you adieu.