i'm in a mess. i'm in a dress.

Back again, it's the incredible
Rhyme animal
FU-FU....public enemy number one
Five-O said "Freeze!" and I got numb

Once when I was 16 I got sucker punched at this party I was at.

The guy was drunk and everyone knew him as one of the town toughies and I guess he didn't like the look of me so the next thing I know...POP!

I didn't know what was going on.

His name was G--- C-----. I'll never forget that name as long as I live. If shooting people were legal he'd be first on my list. Then I'd go after that smug fucker on the local eyeglass commercials that play on a non-stop 24 hour loop on every channel in this godforsaken city.

Today at work I get one of those memos welcoming so and so to our department. We get them every now and then and everyone punches their name up in the computer to see if they're a geek or not (yeah, we have a database of pictures of everyone in the company. It's pretty sweet)

But today we got a memo that said: Please join me in welcoming to the Claims Department, G--- C-----.

Ooooooooooohhhh I almost had an aneurysm. One of my eyes popped out of its socket like on cartoons and I was all "Wha-wha-what?!?"

I thought "There's no way it can be the same guy" because I live in a different part of the state now.

His picture wasn't in the computer so I got up and walked around looking for his name on one of the cubicles and SURE-A-GODDAMN-NUFF there he was....sitting there all smiley and happy like he had never blackened an innocent boy's eye before.

Tomorrow I shall piss in his file cabinet.

And then if that doesn't drive him away I'll shit into the pockets of his jacket and clip my toenails into his coffee mug and rip out my pubic hair and lay it all over his keyboard.

One way or the other me and my by-products will exact our cold cold revenge.

October 03, 2001 | 5:01 p.m.

last entry :: next entry