return to sender

So......the plane I had to get on to get to Atlanta was silver and red and orange and had propellers and all I kept thinking to myself was "Will this be the day my music dies?"

But it didn't.

Obviously.

I just had some Burger King (#5 w/ cheese, onion rings, coke) and they gave me some sauce I'd never had before with my onion rings. It was called Zesty Onion Ring Sauce or something unimaginative like that.

So I tried it.

HOT DAMN THAT SHIT WAS GOOD!

The name doesn't do it justice. They should've called it Hot Damn This Shit is Good.

Which reminds me of a way me and my friend Drew used to pass the time in detention way back in high school. We'd make up names for various food products along the same theme as This Can't Be Yogurt or I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

One that I remember fondly, and always will do, is:

Motherfucker, If You Tell Me Once More That This Is Mayonnaise, Ooooooo I'm Gonna Give You Such A Beating

We could've made a killing in the underground Hollywood Mayonnaise Advertising industry.

My luggage was sitting on my front porch when I got home today. That was very nice of them. The bastards.

November 26, 2001 | 5:11 p.m.

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