(hic)

So it�s getting pretty close to Christmas and I have purchased exactly one gift, and it�s not really a gift. It�s what those in the know refer to as engagement ring. Well, to be fair, I guess everyone would call it an engagement ring. Except maybe winos.

Which brings me to my wish of the day: I wish there were more winos. Either an increase in the actual number of winos or an increase in the use of the word �wino.� Either one would make me happy. And if they could all be as funny as Woodrow from Sanford & Son, that would be better. But if they all married someone as ugly as Aunt Esther�well, screw it. Let �em marry ugly. It�s not like Mary Kate & Ashley will be knocking their door down.

Speaking of green olives�what the fuck is up with those things? I mean, they�re not exactly tasty. Whenever I eat one I scrunch my face up like I�ve just bit into something rotten. Yet, as soon as I swallow it I�m wanting another. That ain�t right. In fact, it�s so not right it�s wrong.

I just talked to my woman and she said she just woke up from a dream she was having about us. I asked her if, in the dream, I was lying on the couch naked demanding she go get me a slice of watermelon�cause that�s how it�s gonna be when we�re hitched.

She said it was similar to that, only she was clocking me upside the head.

I told her as long as she was clocking me with the watermelon, we cool.

Love is in the air.

December 07, 2001 | 3:49 p.m.

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