I'm Sleeping With Your Grandpa
Part of me wanted to stick around and watch it and another part wanted me to turn the channel real quick.
But there was another part of me, a secret up-to-that-point unknown part, that spoke up and said, "Oh Fu-Fu, my friend, wouldn't you rather go into the bathroom and drop your pants and have a nice crap?"
And so I did.
I got a Christmas card yesterday from someone I haven't spoken to in probably six years and they didn't include a return address so I could write them back and ask them what made them think that I no longer wished they were dead. Cause I still do.
I bought my sister's dog a Christmas present the other day. And it's sitting here beside my computer and everytime I see it I just wanna open that container up and start gnawing on it myself. It looks SO DAMN GOOD! It's called Pup-Peroni and it's beef & cheese flavored and I don't know how much longer I can hold out. And the picture of the dog on the front with a big shit-eating grin tugging away at the chewy goodness isn't helping matters.
Once when I was a wee tot I took some of that fancy dog food that kinda looked like miniature steaks and I cooked them up on my neighbor's grill that they had let my mom borrow. My mom ended up having to purchase that grill from them when they found out because that uppity bitch (the neighbor. not my mom) said she wasn't gonna eat off no grill that dog food was on.
THEY LIVED IN A TRAILER!
HER DAUGHTER WAS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING EVERY SINGLE KID IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD LICE!
THEIR SON'S NAME WAS KIP!
THEY DROVE A LIME GREEN GREMLIN!
These are the things that DEFINE white trash and yet she didn't want to eat off of a thoroughly cleaned grill that low grade beef by-products were grilled on.
They never bought another grill with the money my mom gave them. They probably went and blew it on Hubba-Bubba and Boone's Farm.