I mean, we had it in Georgia, and sure....there've been times when I've indulged, but here in Oklahoma those fuckers are HUGE! As big as an Atari. As big as a tiny goat. As big as....ooooh, speaking of tiny goats, I just remembered a dream I had last night. I dreamed that someone gave me a tiny baby bulldog for a present and it was so tiny that I lost it. And I also received a kitten that looked exactly like a tiger and even made a tiny eensy little rowr sound instead of a meow.
OK. Back to the meat.
I got taken to a little family owned restaurant the next town over last night and I got me a club sandwich because you can never go wrong with a club sandwich and Squeeks, being the chicken fried steak connoisseur that she is, got the chicken fried steak. It was big as an Atari....like I said before. I think she would eat a turd, a real live human turd, if someone offered to chicken fry it for her.
She's always going on and on about "I want some chicken fry" and "Ooh you betta gimme some chicken fry" and "Hot mama jama, chicken fry gets me aroused not unlike that CHiPs episode in which Ponch and John investigate a series of car radio thefts at the beach and Ponch wears a Speedo throughout. And OH SHIT! Grossman is one hot piece of tail!"
And at this restaurant they had the strangest mix of music being piped in that I've ever been witness to. When we walked in they were playing some disco song I didn't recognize. Then they went to Lita Ford's Kiss Me Deadly, then to John Cougar Mellencamp's Hurts So Good, then to the Cure's Lovesong, then to Michael Jackson's Thriller, Then to some new country bullshit.
I was amazed. At one point I said "Ten bucks says they play Word Up by Cameo next" but she was too chicken shit to take me up on my bet. Good thing, too, because they didn't play it.
And I also found out that at Sam's Club you can go in and purchase a big plastic container of Banana Laffy Taffy. Nothing but banana.
The ex-mayor told us that.