the sky ain't chicken, it's yellow

My wife yells in her sleep.

And someone (i.e. not me) did some sleepwalking the other night and turned the air conditioner to 56 degrees and when I woke up the next morning with my teeth chattering and stepped on the hardwood floor and my veins shot through with ice I turned to her and said "The goddamn air conditioner's on 56 degrees" she just said "konk-choo" which is the closest approximation I can get to a snore.

But back to the sleep-yelling.

Two nights ago I was watching TV in bed cause she fell asleep early and she moved around and I looked over and her head was about two feet above the pillow but she was still snoring. Her head was just kinda hovering in mid air. So I shook her and said "Uhhh, what the fuck you doing?" and she very rudely yelled at me "I can't get this damn frame to sit on the shelf right. I keep poking through it," and then right after that I heard "konk-choo."

So I sat there for a second and reached back over and gave her a little shake and said "What in the fuck are you talking about?"

She screamed at me! She said "You wouldn't fucking understand. This goddamn frame is not sitting right. I don't wanna talk about it," followed by the inevitable "konk-choo...."

I didn't dare shake her again. By this point I was in fear for my life and I spent the night huddled in a ball as close to the edge of the bed as I could get.

Plus she snores very loudly and frequently.

That's all.

May 29, 2002 | 10:27 p.m.

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