I should be on Great Chefs or maybe make a guest appearance on Martha Stewart but never ever never will I appear on Emeril Live because I hate Emeril with every ounce of my being. I'd like to kick him square in the nuts. BAM!
And Malto Mario. I hate that smug fuck!
I combatted flies, heat, stubborn charcoal, and a nosey nieghbor last night just so my ho' could have herself some barbecued country style ribs.
It was the first time I ever attempted to cook them so I didn't have some great Fu-Fu family secret to make them taste good. I just put 'em on the grill and put sauce on them and sat there and hummed a little ditty to myself.
When Squeeks took a bite of them she started crying and said, "I never thought I could love you more but now not only do I love you more but I kinda wanna be you" to which I replied "uh-huh."
I couldn't say much because I was feverishly masturbating to the ribs. They were that good.
Speaking of masturbating to ribs..my favorite show comes on tonight. UNWRAPPED! On FoodTV, nigga! That shit is wack! Wack in a good way.
I'm about to change the subject.
I'm a fraidy-cat. I can't watch horror movies because they scare the ever loving shit out of me. I can't get to sleep at night thinking every little creak of wood is someone in my house coming to rape and torture his way through to our bedroom.
So this weekend we rented some DVDs from Blockbuster and Squeeks really wanted this horror movie and I said "Okay," but I was scared as all hell.
I got out of watching it, though. She watched it while I slept late Saturday Morning. I didn't even try and pretend that I was upset that I didn't get to see it. I just said "GOOD!"
I'm having a Hot Pocket and a bag of Funyuns and a Shasta root beer for lunch today.
I wish I was wealthy.