ooooh...gonna make you sweat

My wife makes me sick.

On Monday she said that maybe we could go back to Gaijin for sushi on Tuesday.

Then on Tuesday when we didn't end up going I said, "Okay...I'll go in there and make dinner if you promise that tomorrow (today) we can go get sushi," and she said "I solemnly swear by God!"

So today when she broke her promise I told her I didn't want anymore of her lies and not to ever promise me that again because all day long I've been itching for sushi (I even skipped lunch so I would be more hungry come dinner) and then I come home to news that "HELL NO BITCH! I DON'T WANT IT!"

That's what she hollered in my face.

So I had to settle for some beef and snowpeas from the Chinese delivery and it wasn't that good.

And I went through all the trouble of making Hamburger Helper for her lying ass last night.

Speaking of ass....I sure hope that white trash Nikki gets booted off from American Idol tonight. And even though sometimes Justin sounds good, I think he needs to be kicked the fuck off, too.

Kelly should win. That's all there is to it. If I was a judge on the show this is what I woulda said to Kelly last night....first in the voice of Randy Jackson:

"Kelly Kelly Kelly...how you doin? You know, Kelly, there's not a song on this whole fucking planet that I hate more than It's Raining Men but GODDAMMIT GIRL! You just sung the shit out of that song! Way to go."

And then in the voice of Paula Abdul:

"You know, every night you reach higher and higher and prove to the world that you belong up there. By the way, I'm nothing more than an old washed up turd that had to fuck a producer to get on this show because, really, I mean, come on, who the fuck am I anyway? What's it been..like ten years since I had a hit? And didn't I get all fat once and date Charlie Sheen? I mean.....COME ON! I'M PAULA FUCKING ABDUL AND I SHOULD'VE BEEN THROWN OUT WITH THE SAME TRASH AS RIGHT SAID FRED AND C+C MUSIC FACTORY AND P.M. DAWN! WHAT IS THIS SHIT?"

And finally in the voice of the only one with a set of ears on that show, Simon:

"Brilliant. Oh and by the way, Paula, go fuck a goat you unfunny piece of shit."

I love it.

August 21, 2002 | 8:35 p.m.

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