Oh how I long for the day that Squeeks responds to the question of "How's Fu-Fu?" with the answer "Fat and sassy!"
Because I am.
And so is Dotti because she's pregnant.
She came over tonight to eat hamburgers with us and enjoy our puddle of dried up cat puke that we found when we scooted the table away from the wall to make room for all of us.
She was telling some story about how her husband told her that he can't wait for the super-future and we all had a good laugh because none of us really knew what the fuck that was.
Speaking of Roma tomatoes....I love the fuck out of them things.
Today on the way home I got behind an Asian girl with a bumper sticker that said "NO RICE!"
I followed her for about five miles down Western and wondered what she had against rice the entire way. Finally she turned left and I turned right and I probably would've kept thinking about her bumper sticker all the way home if I hadn't seen a big moving truck that said "TWO FELLAS AND A LARGE VEHICLE"
Now that made me wonder why they chose that name.
Did they sit around their wire-spool table and argue what their name was? And why "VEHICLE"? Why not "TRUCK"? It's so much easier to say.
Here is my imaginary play-by-play of their decision to call it what they did:
Buford: Let's call it A COUPLE OF NE'ER DO WELLS AND A GARGANTUAN FUEL PROPELLED WATCHAMAJIGGY
Cletus: Well...I just don't think our target market would really know what GARGANTUAN means. Even I don't really. Ain't he that big ass lizard what fought Mothra?
Buford: Get your head out of your ass, Cletus! It means something big!
Cletus: Well it ain't really that big, Buford. It's just a 24 footer. SHITFIRE! I mean, HELL, I had a turd bigger than that once when Mabel cooked that batch of rotten shrimp she got from the Family Dollar. It swirled around out my ass and when I looked down I'll be damned if it ain't done spelled out my name in the toilet!
Lamar: SHUT THE FUCK UP THE BOTH OF YOU'S! Why don't you call it TWO LARGE FELLAS WITH TINY NEEDLE DICKS?
Buford: Lamar, I done told you once that I was freezing cold that day! And you ain't even in on this so butt the hell out!
Cletus: I like the FELLAS part, Buford.....how about TWO FELLAS WITH A BIG TRUCK AND ONE WITH A TINY POINTY NEEDLE DICK
Buford: GODDAMIT! IT WAS COLD! I done told you I ain't got no goddamn needle dick! I'd like to see you jump in the Chattachoochee in the middle of February you three-balled motherfucker!
Lamar: Say hey Cletus! You got three balls?
Cletus: ENOUGH! How bouts TWO FELLAS AND A LARGE TRUCK.
Buford: I like it. But it needs a little pazzaz! How about instead of TRUCK we use VEHICLE. It'll make us look smart and get us more business.
Cletus: Fine
Lamar: Fine
Buford: Fuck off, Lamar