I tried falling back asleep to continue the dream, but that shit never works. So I stumbled out of bed and was making my way to the bathroom when I noticed a mess in the living room floor. It was our overturned bucket of aquarium supplies. And as I rounded the corner of the couch I saw an empty trial packet of fish food that was chewed all to hell and I saw an orange cat named Fred with the biggest shit eating grin I�ve ever seen on his face and one little fish flake on his left whisker. So I said to him, �Dammit Fred, I�m gonna BEAT YOUR ASS� and then I picked it all up.
Then I made my way to the computer room so I could check my email.
Nothing but porn.
Again.
So I went to the bathroom to do the three Shhh�s (shit-shower-shave : in that order) and after I accomplished a very paltry and shameful first Shhh, I turned on the shower for the second one and stepped in.
Right away, I knew something was amiss.
The water sounded funny - kinda hollow and louder than usual. I looked down and realized that I still had on my underwear (and yes I remembered to pull them down when I took my doo doo. I just pulled them back up afterwards and forgot to take them off after I turned the shower on). So I dropped them there in the shower and rung them out and threw them in the laundry basket under the sink where I hit a certain cat named Foot-Foot in the head because her favorite place in the world is inside a laundry basket and I forgot to yell �fore!�
So she gave me a mean �Mrawr� and scurried off down the hall and I continued with my bathing and my third and final Shhh of the morning, during which I sliced into a mole on the left side of my neck.
But it wasn't an entirely crappy morning.
At least I had a dream about a David Lee Roth loving elephant.