fellow travellers, rush the borders

Top five things I do that irritate my wife greatly:

1) Get right in front of her, turn around, reach behind myself, spread my buttcheeks, bend over, and let her watch a fart as it farts
2) Lick her back in that particular spot where she can't reach it to wipe it off
3) Leave doo doo stains on the inside of the toilet
4) Put trash everywhere except in the trash can
5) Feed my boogers to the dog

We got a pool, bitch.

And I've been swimming in it every damn day all "Look at me! I'm a-swimmin'. Glub Glub" and going under and coming up and Cristi saying "There's a booger on your lips" and me squealing like a tiny girl at the very thought of a water logged bug floating in my general direction and putting my lips to the water's surface going "I'm a motorboat...." and HOT DAMN it's gonna be a great summer.

And today the dog got converted. Not to Judaism. Not Greek Orthodox. But to that hush hush religion that all dogs are privy to but none like to speak openly about....Neuterism.

Cristi cried a little after dropping him off at the vet.

I drank two Frappuccinos and ate some beef jerky.

May 20, 2004 | 8:27 p.m.

last entry :: next entry