hachi machi!

If I were walking down the street and found an old beat up lamp and I just happened to pick that lamp up and rub it vigorously as I've been known to do and a genie popped out of said lamp and granted me three wishes, I've got a list ready to yank out of my wallet and hand him:

1. I would like to have complete and total mind control of the girls from S Club 7 (except for that yuppie bitch Rachel) and have them do everything I wish for them to do. And I do mean everything (I'm talking mainly about sex here. And maybe some Trivial Pursuit. Naked Trivial Pursuit. But mostly sex)

2. The immediate resurrection of Redd Foxx and the subsequent Presidential order to resume production of Ripple and to have it readily available at all stores, strip clubs, go-kart tracks, church socials, and places of employment.

3. My own record store with Jack Black as my employee.

I'm a simple man. I don't need much.

September 17, 2001 | 5:51 p.m.

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