here i am...a victim of geography

Sometimes when you lose your way to me
I think you don't care at all
If you don't get here soon
I'll tear that clock down from the wall

Nothing makes an evening like a belly full or Mrs. T's and some Billy Bragg.

Now that it's getting a little less hot out, I've been digging towards the back of my closet for some longer sleeved shirts to wear to work. And I came across one this morning that I didn't even remember owning.

So I put it on and ran to my roommate's mirror to preen and I thought to myself "Well Goddamn! Why don't I wear this shirt more often. I am a STUD!"

I swear I almost ripped my pants down to masturbate to myself in the mirror, but then thought better of it for many many many many many many reasons.

The least of which was my running late.

I got in my car and reached out to crank her up and it all came rushing back to me. The reason I never wore that shirt was revealed to me in all its glory. The sleeves were too short.

I mean, they were alright when standing, but when you sat down and reached out, they went to your fucking shoulders! Okay. That was an exaggeration. But not by much.

"Hey Brad, I like that shirt!"

"Damn Brad...nice shirt!"

"Dude...were you just watching me pee?"

This is what I heard all day. And each time I had one of two responses I could summon like a robot:

1) Yeah, it looks that way from a distance, but it fucking sucks! Check this out (Then I'd demonstrate the sleeve)

or

2) NO. HONEST I WASN'T. But since you brought it up....would you like to watch me?

So right when I got home I ripped that shit off and threw it in the garbage. I don't have a very good memory and I just knew if I hung it back up in the closet, three months from now I'd see it and go "Hmmm...that's a nice shirt. I wonder why I don't wear that one more often?"

Then I took it out of the garbage and threw it in a box I'm saving up to take to Goodwill.

I'm a good citizen.

September 20, 2001 | 6:50 p.m.

last entry :: next entry