This morning I was late for work by a whole fifteen minutes because I miscounted the number of times I had hit snooze and then once I got in the shower the little shelf thing that holds the soap and the shampoo fell onto my toe causing me to yelp in pain not unlike a puppy getting his tail stepped on.
At work I was given the daunting task of sitting at my computer trying to look like I had something to do. This task was given to me by my new supervisor who isn't quite sure what it is I'm supposed to be doing in the first place. So I sat there and looked at the screen wishing I had solitaire or something to keep me a busy for a good hour and a half until a file landed on my desk and I had to work it.
At lunch, which was shortened by fifteen minutes so I could make up the time I missed this morning, the mustard from my sandwich snuck out of the bread and went straight for my shirt. Luckily, I could cover it up by clipping my employee badge where the buttons end (Izod type shirt) and let it dangle...covering up the stain.
At 3 o'clock I was asked to go teach a supervisor how to do something and it made me wonder why they make so much more money than I do if I have to show them how to work a damn West Virginia JG policy. It's not that hard.
At 3:30 my friend Trisha bought me a brownie thinking I would want it. I didn't really want it. But I felt as if I had to eat it or else she would feel slighted. So I ate it. It was the best fucking brownie I have ever eaten in my entire life. I only wish I had some milk with it.
At the tire store after work I heard a guy in Buddy Holly glasses use the Lord's name in vain in the most funny way I have ever heard it. I'll try to phonetically spell it out for you: GEEYAWDAYUM. He said this after being told his bill was 280 bucks.
The guy who gave him the unfortunate news about his bill later recanted a story to me about how his wife had found a dead cricket in a gallon jug of milk that they had bought from the Super Wal-Mart over in Phenix City last night. He seemed to be very excited about "suing their motherfucking asses off." I concurred.
Happy?
Truly,
Fu-Fu