It's actually named Wild Animal Safari, but that name doesn't fit. Basically you pay twelve bucks, buy a bag of food, and hop in your car and drive around a big open field with large animals from all the over the damn place.
Their favorite thing to do is to stick their head in your window and hold and press their big nasty snotty mouths against whatever they can find.
And my favorite thing to do is scream like a little girl.
Here's what licked and/or bit me today:
1) moose
2) duck
3) yak
4) giraffe
5) ostrich
6) a whole bunch of other animals with horns and bad breath
7) camel
Oh, and this one monkey had a hard on. His penis looked like a retractable antenna, like on a cordless phone, only it was red and he was dragging it across the concrete like nobody's business. He screamed at us and started hitting the fence in anger so I threw a penny at him only for him to decide he would like to eat that penny. We got out of there quick before I could be blamed for killing a monkey.
And then we saw another monkey with neon blue balls.
Oh yeah, and I saw some prairie dogs.
And then on the way back we stopped at a country store and I bought some homemade peanut brittle and a slice of peanut butter fudge.
The brittle was good.
The fudge is apparently hell-bent on ripping me a new asshole.
And now not only do I have to worry about getting the anthrax, I also need to worry about hoof and mouth disease, mad cow syndrome, and E-coli...at least according to the sign outside the Drive-Thru Zoo cafeteria warning me to wash my hands thoroughly before enjoying my corndog.
Mmmmmmm. Corndog.
Oh and last night we were watching this public access show from Atlanta - this hip-hop show - they were asking people on the street what their favorite sexual position was and this one pimp (cause there truly is no better word to describe him) said, and I quote:
"I like the anus."