I got a google hit today for HE STOPPED LOVING HER TODAY.
That's why I am the man. Just try and beat that, jerk, with your handjobs and your nurses and your falling like grannys. The way I put it down could burn the perm off Big Worm.
My mom just left. I like it when she comes to visit cause I talk her into buying me all kinds of dope shit. Today I got two new pillows, a new sheet set, three towels...well that's it. Like I said - dope shit.
I also talked her into going to an Indian restaurant with me. She's a burger and fries kinda woman and wasn't too keen on it but I turned on my pouty face cause I had never been to this restaurant cause it was new and I've been wanting to go.
We walked in and the first thing I heard was a reggae version of Cher's Do You Believe In Love? and I saw a poster of Bob Marley hanging on the wall. I thunk to myself "Hey wait a minute. There's supposed to be a sitar version of Do You Believe In Love isn't there? And what's that black woman doing behind the counter?!?!"
Turns out it was a WEST Indian restaurant. Curried goat and ox tail and that sort of dope shit. But I said "Aw mom, come on...we'll eat here anyway. You'll like jerk chicken. Honest."
She didn't. It burned her mouth and she drank about three of those Kola Champagne drink doohickeys.
My roommate is in the process of polyurethaning the laundry room floor and the odor is making me high. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it was that odor that caused my breast implant dream this morning. I can only imagine what I'll dream tonight.
And I got the new Belle & Sebastian EP in the mail today. In one song he name checks all of the Beach Boys, even that ass Mike Love.
I think I'm about to pass out from the fumes. My only hope is that I dream that I'm hangin' with the Snoop D Oh Double G, fool!