And ever since then my bladder has been a little bitch. I was that kid in school who had to bring a note from Mommy saying that I had to use the bathroom a lot and to please let me go whenever I needed to.
But today that motherfucker went tits up on me. I had to go pee in a cup for this job that I got (by the way: I got a job! A good one. Not that shit-eating customer call center one) and I went in at 2:30 to this clinic and said "I'm here to pee"
So they took me back and I was standing there with lil' Fu-Fu in hand going "Come on...show daddy what you got...." but nothing.
The nurse knocked on the door after a while and said "Brad. You having trouble?"
I was. I told her the pipes must've been frozen. She told me to hang out and drink some water. So I downed a bottle of Dasani and walked on down to Best Buy because usually whenever I set foot in a record store I get so excited I immediately have to pee. Just like a puppy.
But it didn't work this time. Partly because Best Buy kinda sucks and partly because....well, that's all. There's nothing to get excited about in Best Buy.
So I hung around for a bit and walked back down to the clinic and said "Can I give it another shot?"
Still nothing. I was starting to get all pissed off because I wanted to go home. I even called my mom up bitching and moaning that I couldn't pee.
True story.
She said to go drink some more water and walk around a bit.
I did.
Finally I went back and said "One more time?" and they gave me this look that said "What's the matter, Lil' Baby? Your lil' pee-pee ain't working? You poor sad excuse for a man.."
But I showed them.
I was supposed to fill it up to the line they drew and instead I filled that sucker up almost all the way.
On the way out the door I pumped my fists in the air for victory.
Then on the drive home I had to pee so bad I almost wet myself.
That made me mad.