born in a bottle rocket, 1929

"my pee smells funny"
"over the top, Stallone"
"hair relaxer left on too long"
"coochie"
"Rusty's Frozen custard"

Those are my Google hits for today. I don't check them everyday, but I'm beginning to think maybe I should. The hair relaxer one was from Italian Google.

Fu-Fu blowing up worldwide nigga!

My pinky finger on my left hand is numb. It feels like it's asleep without the tingly sensation. I chalk it up to leaning on my elbow all day at my desk and it cutting off the circulation. I had it happen to me when I worked for the phone company once. As soon as I'm done here I'm gonna go beat it against something. Anything.

I was bidding on some Happy Days glasses on Ebay and they had two of them with the Fonz, and they had Richie and Potsie and Ralph...and some others. Listen, the point is I lost. Someone planned a sneak attack while I slept and I woke up this morning to the painful realization that they wouldn't be mine.

I've been addicted to Ebay lately. I don't place many bids but I like to go on there and drool at the possibilities. My favorite thing to check for is Where's the Beef? Last time I looked they had a potholder and a button.

We gotta get a mower for the new house we're moving into and I think we're gonna go with one of those old timey ones that don't take gas. The kind like you would imagine The Beav mowing with. You know...the blades that go in a circle.

They probably aren't worth a shit but it's a chance I'm willing to take in order to look fashionable while cutting grass.

April 10, 2002 | 5:16 p.m.

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