holy guacomole

Whew!

I started a new job Thursday. I'm on the 5th floor of one of three ten story buildings that the company owns. And on my floor there are only three other males.

Because of this, all the women have banded together and taken control of the men's restroom. One bathroom says GIRLS on it and then down the hall where one should say BOYS it says GIRLS instead (my entire floor is in the style of an old schoolhouse because it's part of the educational services...hence GIRLS instead of WOMEN)

There is a one seater handicap bathroom over in the corner when you step off the elevator. And it's a unisex bathroom. But yesterday when I went into it I smelled a very nasty woman smell and I won't be going back. So now everytime I have to peepee or poopoo I have to hop on an elevator and go a floor up or down.

My last job tried to give me a three dollar an hour raise to keep me from leaving, which is more than what I'm making at my new job, but I asked "Will I be still be doing what I'm doing now under the supervision of who I'm under?" and they said "Yes." and I said "Go kindly fuck a goat," and left.

I didn't return to work on the last day of my notice because I'm a rebel. And on top of that, I left for lunch and never came back the day before what was supposed to be my last day.

My rebelliousnessocity is stronger than that of Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson put together.

But I seem to be skipping over the most important news to ever come my way since I heard that women pee out of their clitoris***.....SANFORD AND SON IS BEING RELEASED ON DVD!

Season one is released this Tuesday (along with season two of the Simpsons) and my ass has already ordered it from Amazon because the local Borders couldn't promise me they were gonna get some in.

All next weekend I'm gonna be one Sanford and Son watching fool.

So expect my entries in a couple of weeks to have a lot of five-across-yo-lips and I-think-it's-the-big-one type Fredisms.

Oh my God I'm about to fucking shit myself with anticipation.

***My source has since been notified and told of their misinformation. I am an ass.

August 03, 2002 | 9:25 a.m.

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