I got home and there was a check from State Farm for thirty something dollars that I won as part of some settlement that I never knew about.
So I says to the little lady "Put on your fancy shoes. We going out!"
But first we had to take the kitties to their new vet. I have to admit her fancy shoes looked a little out of place on the linoleum of the Cat Clinic.
I think we're gonna use this vet now. The last vet gave our cats fleas. Cristi likes to think it happened while they were caged up overnight after their front-claw-ectomy but I like to pretend that the vet didn't like something about my pants and sprinkled flea eggs on the cats after we left as an act of contempt.
Damn pants. Always getting me in trouble.
But this new vet seemed to really enjoy them. Plus....and this is a big PLUS...she stuck her thumb up Foot Foot's ass and squeezed her anal scent gland until it popped and droplets of anal scent shot all over the table.
Now that's a good vet.
Me? Personally? I woulda kind of preferred for the anal scent to stay where it belonged and at the same time keep my fingers clean of cat anus lips.
After we dropped them off at the house we argued about wether we were going for sushi (me) or to Santa Fe (her) and we flipped a coin and had to go to Santa Fe.
While I was waiting for my food to come and eating up all the peanuts I farted ever so innocently. I wasn't gonna even say anything to Cristi about what I just did. Normally I would titter and say "I tooted," but this time I was just gonna keep quiet and not cause a scene.
Only it stunk.
Which my farts usually don't do unless I've been eating Beef-A-Roni.
Once I smelled it I had to confess so she wouldn't think something was wrong with the food.
Thankfully the Mexican couple sitting behind her didn't seem to notice and no apologies were necessary.
On the way home I decided to be all poetic when I looked out the window and saw some tiny puffy clouds all by theirself in the big blue sky.
I turned to her and said "Look at those little white things pretending to be clouds," and I sat there for a second waiting for her to say "Ohhh, that was so poetic," but instead she just belched and complained about her cramps.
I got the prize fish out of the woman pond.
There's no doubting that.