And when I gets it I say my lil' road rage prayer:
Heavenly Father who art in heaven, please oh I say please bring forth riches to those who drive AT LEAST the posted speed limit. And, Father, please treat them well when they arrive in your heavenly kingdom. Give them some ice cream or something. I don't know. That's your job.
But, Father, it is with heavy sorrow that I pray that you punish those heathen individuals who drive minivans twenty miles under the speed limit and I can't pass them because their FUCKING SIDE MIRROR IS BLOCKING MY VIEW OF ONCOMING TRAFFIC AND WHEN I DO GET A CLEAR SHOT AND THINK "OKAY THIS IS IT! I CAN PASS!" THEY SPEED UP. These people do not love you, Lord.
Please, Father who art in heaven, oh please smite these people. Please let them experience the hellfire that the purple headed lady so often speaks of on the TBN channel.
Amen.
While I'm full of hate, I'd like to take this opportunity to expound on another rage of mine.
It's called comic strip rage.
Today I had to get a newspaper to read on my lunch break because I had finished Fiskadoro by Denis Johnson and had forgot to bring anything else to read.
There I was eating my left over pasta and my eyes fell upon the "funny" pages.
Since when are jokes about mothers-in-law and teenager's messy rooms still considered comedy? Why in the fuck can one never understand what the hell Mary Worth is about? All I picture when I read the funnies is some old guy in a cardigan putting down his copy of Reader's Digest because he's just laughed too hard at a "Humor in Uniform" joke so he decides to go for some lighter fare.
He picks up the daily comics out of his newspaper and looks first at Family Circle where he then spews forth bile cause he just ruptured something from laughing at the Not-Me ghost.
THIS is the only person I can imagine who still finds daily comic strips funny.
FU-FU IS FULL OF HATE!
Man oh man how I crave to let everyone know what I'm gonna be for this Halloween party We're going to Saturday night but some of the people that're gonna be there sometimes read this and I don't wanna spoil the surprise.
I'll give a hint.
It's the name and main character of a movie from 1972.
But it's not BLACKENSTEIN.
That movie came out in 1973.