business in the front. party in the back.

Sometimes you forget to update for a week or so and then next thing you know it's the middle of January and you just got back from Sam's Club and ate some Long John Silver's and made yourself a pistachio milkshake with your wife's new THUNDERSTICK that she ordered off the TV while you were in Georgia for your mom's wedding but right after she ordered it you turned to her and said "Okay...if you get to order the Thunderstick, I get to order those Beavis and Butthead DVDs" and she says "fine" and so you did but they have yet to arrive and you have a new car and your sister has a new baby which is your first ever niece and both Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone and DAMN THIS PISTACHIO SHAKE IS GOOD and you're another year older because you were born on the same date as Elvis and it's a whole new year and you think "Diaryland? Never heard of it."

I am a lazy sack of stinky.

But I have had lots of excuses - both good and ungood - for not updating (see first paragraph).

We went to this restaurant today called Jana's Italian and Thai cause we saw it and thought "What an odd combination." We pictured Chef Boyardee trading knives with, I don't know, Atilla the Hun or some shit like that. We don't know any famous Taiwanese people. Anyway...the food sucked and we're never going back and it's really not worth talking about.

While we were in the Long John Silver's drive thru this song came on the radio and Cristi says "Who's this?" and turns it up. I immediately said "Laura Branigan" and then wondered both aloud and to myself why I ever thought of Laura Branigan. It's just like yesterday when that movie Savannah Smiles popped into my head all of a sudden. Being 29 plays tricks on your brain. But not on your penis! STRONG AS AN OX!

For Christmas I got Sea Monkeys, a broken digital camera, a 3 DVD set of Fawlty Towers, a lot of other DVDs including Pavement's Slow Century and Life of Brian, some newly reissued Lee Hazlewood CDs, some Jeff Mangum Live at Jittery Joe's CD, some Simpsons figures, that new Bob Dylan Rolling Thunder CD, a book about the making of Pet Sounds, a book by Haruki Murakami that I haven't read yet, A 6 CD box set called The 70's Soul Experience, and some other stuff.

For my birthday I got my record player fixed, Strange Brew on DVD, the new Johnny Cash CD, the new MOJO, dinner at Soup!er Salad, a plant, some staples, a Simpsons figure from Dotti and Jeremy and Magnolia, and some sweet sweet poon.

This morning I woke up to this:

"Honey...come quick. Foot-Foot ate some ribbon and I can't catch her."

So I crawled out of bed and went to the living room where by this time Foot-Foot was caught and and there was a piece of ribbon hanging out the side of her cat mouth like a cigarette and I grabbed it and pulled it and it was like I was doing some fucking magic. THAT SHIT JUST KEPT ON COMING OUT OF HER. It was like pulling tooth floss out of its container. After I was done with that I smashed a watermelon with a wooden sledgehammer and Cristi and Fred went fucking apeshit.

So anyway...this is me updating again.

Hopefully regularly.

January 11, 2003 | 7:55 p.m.

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