That's how I left work today.
That smug David Payne was sitting pretty up at Penn Square in his roving tornado chasing machine talking about how the tornado was imminent and to watch the fuck out.
And then, not half a mile away from work the fucking sirens start going off and my urine almost followed suit but I was able to reach down and pinch the head of my dick and shake my leg and it went back into my bladder.
It's tornado season again, for those who don't live in Oklahoma.
It would be so much nicer if it could be, oh I don't know, kitty cat season. Or maybe chimps in clothes season. Or perhaps Domino's philly steak pizza season...but instead, we get fucking winds of death season.
The seasoned veterans (my wife and my coworkers and everyone else I know) think I'm a pussy. That's not entirely true. What they fail to remember is the worst natural disaster I had to deal with growing up was flooding...and that was kinda cool. You could go swimming in your friend's bedroom. It wasn't anything like tornadoes, where you could maybe get hit by your friend's bedroom.
So I get home and watch the news and move the battery powered radio into the laundry room and bring all the CDs out of my truck in case hail breaks the window and rains on everything inside and I do a pet count and wait for a demise that never came.
"OH THERE'S HAIL THE SIZE OF SOFTBALLS!"
"THIS THING WILL TORNADO ANY MINUTE NOW!"
"SOME HAIL KILLED A FLOCK OF DUCKS FLYING IN THE AIR!"
"FIREMEN ARE HAVING TO SHOVEL PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR CARS BECAUSE THEY"RE BURIED IN HAIL!"
These fucking Oklahoma newscasters, while I am glad that they try to keep us 4warned (heh heh), they sometimes just scare the urine out of poor, defenseless Oklahoma transplants like myself without any real need to.
I don't know how much more of this I can take before Cristi wakes up one morning and I got a packed UHaul pointing due east back to the motherland.
Georgia, Georgia, the whole day through
Just an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind.
Georgia, Georgia, a song of you
Comes as sweet and clear as moonlight through the pines.
Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you.
Georgia, Georgia, no peace I find
Just an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind.
Melodies bring memories
That linger in my heart
Make me think of Georgia
Why did we ever part?
Some sweet day when blossoms fall
And all the world's a song
I'll go back to Georgia
'Cause that's where I belong.