So I'm standing there emptying myself and the door BUSTS open real quick and this dude comes running in and pukes all over the floor.
I turned my head and watched it happen, then turned back around and refocused on the steady stream of waste that I was still in the process of expelling. Then I turned my head back over my shoulder, still peeing, and said, "Damn dude! You okay?"
He didn't answer.
So finally I finished, shook, zipped up, and turned around and asked him again.
He said, "Yeah, Man. Thanks. I'm BLEGHPFFTGHUGH!"
He puked all over the floor again.
So I said, "You want me to go get some help or something?"
I don't know what I would've done if he said yes. I mean, what could I do? Run to my supervisor and say "COME QUICK! THERE'S PUKE EVERYWHERE!" That wouldn't have helped him. I guess I could have gone to the janitor's closet and got the bag of sawdust or limestone or whatever that puke absorbent stuff is.
But thankfully he said he didn't need any help and would I please just leave him alone.
I granted him his wish. But on the way out the door I silently called him a dickhead and then nonchalantly checked to make sure I had zipped up and, for good measure, checked my pants legs to make sure there was no vomit splatter.
Everything was cool. I had even zipped!
I got this Simpsons book cause I'm a big fat dork with nothing better to do than read about television. And it lays out each episode and has character bios and snippets of dialogue. My favorite one today was from the episode where Homer becomes leader of his Neighborhood Watch Group and gets interviewed by the news anchor guy:
Kent: Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
Homer: Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't commiting crimes...
(Brockman looks at Homer for a long pause)
Kent: Well, touch�.
I didn't have a chance to go and buy my new underwear today on account of overtime. But you betta watch your back, underwear, cause when you least expect it I'm gonna sneak up on you and PURCHASE YOU WITH MONEY THAT DOESN'T RIGHTFULLY BELONG TO ME!
(sneer)
(hock)
(PATOOIE!)