Q: What does Snoop Dogg use to keep his teeth so white?
I'll put the answer at the bottom so the suspense will fill inside your head and by the time you actually get to it you'll laugh so hard it'll cause an aneurysm.
Or not.
Whatever.
My roommate is gay and he's always buying expensive hair care products and bringing them home and putting them in the shower even though he never sleeps here and I don't know when he gets the chance to use them. About a month ago I picked up a bottle of conditioner and thought, "Hmmm, I feel like stealing." and I put it all in my head.
It smelled like peppermint.
Ten seconds go by and my head starts to feel like it's on fire. Like I'm a black person and someone left the relaxer in too long. And I start to worry if all my thick, beautiful hair is about to come out in clumps on the floor of the shower.
So I frantically stick my head under the water and start getting that shit out of there. But it still burned. I figured out it was the peppermint in the conditioner. And even though I knew I wasn't in danger any longer, I was still mad as hell and vowed never to steal conditioner from my gay roommate ever again.
Until this morning. I broke my vow. He had some green shit in there and I thought, "Hmmm. I feel like stealing."
It was BAD-ASS! It smelled like apples. And it left my hair feeling like one of those really soft, furry things you get from the county fair when you pop a couple of balloons.
Life of crime, here I come!
A: BLEAOTCH!